Friday, February 3, 2012

RIP Privacy

All of you single, childless people take heed!

Once you have children, you can say goodbye to any privacy you ever enjoyed...

Getting dressed - they're watching

Using the bathroom - they're busting in and asking where your penis is...

Close the door? kick them out? You ask innocently... It doesn't work! Closing the door is like starting a game of hide and seek in my house... tiny hands appear under the door in that tiny crack of space between the door and the floor to remind you that you're not alone, you'll never be alone again!

Ignore it, you insist... Ignoring the tiny fingers will undoubtedly lead to the launching of one's body into the door over and over again. The pounding wouldn't be so bad, I could deal with that... if it weren't for the screaming that accompanies it, because somehow my kids have both discovered the very frequency and tone in their small, angelic voices to drive me completely bonkers! My nerves are currently responding to the very thought of it...

So what do you do? You ask timidly.... Surrender to it! Kiss your privacy adieu and patiently and lovingly explain that while mommies do, in fact, rule the World, they aren't equipped with a penis!

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